On Owning Our Bodies and Sexual Pleasure

In my household, a part of Mother’s Day is often spent planting and tending things, so it’s a great opportunity to think. Yesterday I was pondering my relationship with my mother, and what I can learn from it as I parent my own kids. My mom died before I even had kids, so unfortunately I don’t get to discuss any of this with her- or apologize(!), laugh and observe together the development of these cool humans.

One of the things that I really want is that they have the power to name their body parts and sensations without shame, and learn about sex as a healthy thing.  I wish this so that when they’re sexually active with partners they can communicate what feels good, and should an STI come their way, they’re prepared to deal with it. Which statistically it could, although it makes me go ack with worry. 

It sounds so obvious, but I know for many women of my generation and generations that have preceded it, this isn’t the case. When I was pregnant with my second child and talking with her about the brother or sister growing in my uterus, another pregnant mom at the daycare who had overheard me expressed shock I should use the word.  “I don’t even use it myself,” she said. She could see my point of uterus vs. the standard tummy used for the young. A tummy is where food goes, not a baby. But she still wasn’t comfortable (and by that point, I felt a little awkward myself. Enlightened, somewhat pompous and awkward).

If you’ve read previous entries, you’ll know I’m passionate about age-appropriate sex education for children and youth. But I’m passionate about it for grown-ups too. So many of us don’t have the words for our bodies and sensations.  We may feel reluctant to borrow or buy books on sexual health, and depending on the relationships we have with our doctors, getting direction can be difficult – personal chemistry applies to the doctor and patient relationship too. This can result in embarrassment, shame, and a vicious circle of silence that affects sexual satisfaction, health and relationships.

We live in our bodies. In our whole bodies, if we allow ourselves.  These fleshy cruisers and their components have the capacity to do amazing things, including provide great sensual, sexual enjoyment. Do you know that the clitoris isn’t required for reproduction, so the pleasure it brings is just that- pleasure? Talk about a sweet benefit of being a woman.

So I wish for my kids and their friends and my friends, the power to name their bodies. Name their pleasure. And in naming their bodies as their own, be grounded in every inch so that comprehensive pleasure and things like talking to partners about safer sex or to doctors about STI concerns go hand in hand.

- Janet

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