Don’t Get Your Safe Sex Info at the Movies

Bronwyn and I talked about the sex scenes (no spoiler alert needed) after seeing The Kids are All Right, which we both liked and disliked for various reasons. We work with HIV+ women, so we can’t help but discuss how sexuality is portrayed in movies, and what kind of safe sex messaging does and doesn’t play out. I think that anyone over fourteen can get cynical about messaging around sex when you watch movies, whether you work in the sex education field or not. Meeting women every day who admit they would have benefitted from HIV prevention information, I can’t help but reflect on the general perceptions of women’s risks for HIV.

If you don’t know how HIV is transmitted, get familiar with the “formula” so you can make decisions about what you want to do and how.

Women are vulnerable to HIV infection through unprotected sex for a couple of reasons. HIV (and other STIs) can be transmitted when body fluids come into contact with cells of the vagina, cervix or rectum. When it comes to unprotected sex with a man, semen remains in the body after ejaculation, creating an environment in which HIV has time and opportunity to infect.

For women who have sex with women, sharing body fluids is a risk for sharing STIs. Finger/ hand play from one partner to the other without using gloves can pass vaginal fluids from one to the other. Sharing unprotected sex toys can do the same. Moving from anal to vaginal penetration without using (or changing) gloves and/or condoms can expose the vagina to bacteria from the rectum, which increases the risks of numerous STIs. 

While HIV transmission via oral sex is not as high risk as vaginal/ anal penetration, it’s possible, and other STIS can be easily passed too- no matter who you partner with.

For women who are in perimenopause or post-menopausal, vaginal tissue is not as resilient as it was when we were younger, nor do we have the natural lubrication we once did to prevent slight tears (a.k.a. micro tears that you can’t even detect) during sex. But research has found that even healthy untraumatized tissue is at risk- HIV can penetrate healthy tissue to get into the bloodstream.

Experimenting with different kinds of lube, condoms, dental dams gloves and sex toys can be a lot of fun and create a bond you might not have otherwise enjoyed (“Let’s get the toy chest, honey….”).

Your HIV and STI risk in general is all about what you do, and how you do it. Talk with your partner about being tested for STIs, including HIV. Women are more accustomed to their Pap (although lesbians can skip tests and shouldn’t!), but guys, well, they can be reluctant about STI testing, by their own admission. If you partner with men, you can point out that it may not be comfortable but it’s for his health too.

Your sex scenes may not be as highly edited as the movies (I know mine aren’t!), but they can still yield a lot of, shall we say, viewing pleasure.  

- Janet

Check This Out: Top 10 Lovefilm Picks for Best Sex Scenes in Movies

This blog represents the ideas of individual writers, and does not necessarily reflect any formal stance taken by Positive Women's Network. Read our comments policy.

Youshouldknow.ca: sexual health news, views and science for women in perimenopause and beyond. Find info on preventing sexually transmitted infections, aging considerations, and relationship dynamics. Supportive information for all of us as we move into our middle years with partners new and old.