Happy International Women’s Day! IWD celebrates how women make change economically, politically and socially. But you don’t have to work at an international level to make change- as has been echoed many times, the personal is political. Does the personal is political still have meaning in this "post-feminist" age? I think it does.

It’s certainly made a difference in the past. Think of Margaret Sanger, who went against the grain in her fight to make birth control information and supplies available. Reproductive choice was not something women could readily have, and Sanger wanted to change that.

Reproductive choice is difficult for women even today, in Canada and many parts of the world. Women don’t always have the freedom to negotiate safe sex, or any sex at all. If a woman gets a sexually transmitted infection like HIV, she is often blamed, rather than supported to get good health care and treatment.

I think IWD is a great reminder of the work that’s been done and is still to be done, whether it’s on a personal level (I want to my daughter to be able to talk about condom use without feeling threatened or judged) or societal level (I want all women to have access to safe reproductive care, including abortion and midwifery, if they so choose). Things aren’t yet equal and fair for women, but there are women and men worldwide working patiently and persistently to change that. On International Women’s Day (and every day), I salute them all.

- Janet

Check This Out:  Grandmothers to Grandmothers Campaign seeks to raise awareness and mobilize support in Canada for Africa’s grandmothers. It was launched on the eve of International Women’s Day in 2006.

While the Internet is about world-wide connection, we’re all somewhere staring at a screen.  I happen to be in Vancouver Canada, where the 2010 Winter Olympics are well underway.  The mix of emotions is heady.  From the shocked reactions to the death of Luger Nodar Kumaritashvili to the inevitable euphoria that goes with competition (I just watched Canada’s Alexandre Bilodeau win Gold in Men’s Moguls), this event and the accompanying festivities make the West Coast alive with energy.  Saturday night I went to the Olympic Flame, along with thousands of others decked out with cameras and maps. Whether you’re an Olympics enthusiast or not, if you’re strolling through downtown you’re surrounded by people in vacation mode, ready for a good time.

It’s true that for many of us, a holiday means we’re going to do things we might not do at home – that’s the point of getting away.  As I was watching people last night, eyes vivid and excited, I figured getting lucky might apply to more than the athletes. And “vacation-mind” can be a real downfall when it comes to looking out for your own best interests.

When we’re away from home, there’s a sensibility that we can step out of reality- money we spend doesn’t count towards debt, food we eat won’t affect our bodies, and sexual connections can be made without consequences. Of course that isn’t the case, as our bank balances and bodies will attest.

Wherever you may go to leave your everyday life behind, plan to have sex.  Even if you’re fresh out a bad relationship and have sworn off intimate interactions with anyone, it’s good to plan. That’s the joy of holiday: who knows what could happen? You might not think you’re at risk for an STI, and hopefully you’re not, but given certain choices, you could be. Are you  up on safe sex? Are you comfortable using condoms or dental dams?  If you’re ready for sex with supplies, you can let the fun unfold. It’s much better than running around at midnight trying to find some. Or ditching the safe sex idea all together because you figure you don’t need birth control, given your partner or your point in life.

Bottom line is (no pun intended), if you’re exchanging body fluids, you’re at risk for STIs. Even skin to skin contact makes you vulnerable to infections like HPV or pubic lice.

If you’re heading out for winter fun or a sunny destination, don’t leave home without safe sex savvy. You might want to have a really good time, and you don’t want to bring home a souvenir that’s not to your liking.

- Janet

Check this Out:  If you are one of the thousands in Vancouver at the winter Olympics, Safe Games 2010 can offer information on where to get  free condoms and support information.    

One of the great things about working on this blog and making connections for FAQ and resources pages is all the reading I get to do. I get to hear what other women are saying in blogs, articles and forums. The online community is full of interesting women. Here are a few I’ve enjoyed recently. 

If you’re in a new relationship, and are trying to figure out when you might have sex, check out Kat Wilder’s Let’s Get it On, But When? Kat Wilder’s a middle aged divorced mom who blogs on dating, friends, parenting, etc. She’s witty and fun. The great thing about her posts is she always wants you to throw in your .02 and people often do.

Midlife is about transitions, and Formerly Hot, “The Tween Site for Grown Ups” capitalizes on them. Pay attention to “What’s Your Formerly?” a page with some hilarious entries. 

The Menopause Goddess Blog promises discussion (“reverent and irreverent”) about menopause, midlife, and more. The recent post highlights the mermaid vs. whale post that’s been going around. But it was Lynette’s  Menopause Immigrant to Procrasti-nation post that really made me sing this week when she mentions Feelin’ Groovy, a song that has been frequently popping into my head, seemingly unbidden.  

- Janet

Check This Out: Slow Living (inspired by Lynette)

I bought this year’s calendar because its cover is a Steve Bloom photo of an elephant swimming. I didn’t know elephants could swim, but apparently they’re quite adept, using their trunks like snorkels. I love this elephant grace that suggests an “I can do anything” attitude. It makes me think we all have something inside we might not know is there.

Applying an “I can do anything” attitude to talking about safer sex can be a challenge, and particularly if:

… You’ve been out of the dating scene and it’s been a while since you had sex with someone new.

… You aren’t sure you know all the points of safer sex, are embarrassed to ask the kids, and find youth based websites don’t speak to you

… You don’t know where to start and feel ridiculously seventeen again.

You’re not alone. That “I can do anything” attitude can elude all of us when it comes to intimate things like sex. Even the most confident of us can feel unprepared when it comes to “the talk.” But you can’t avoid it- at this age, many people have long term STIs like herpes , which is easy to spread and extremely common. But what if revealing it spells rejection?

Like it or not, talking about safer sex is part of your relationship, whether it’s a fling or turns into something longer term. Avoiding disclosure of STIs won’t help, it just prolongs the agony. (Women with HIV face this all the time in relationships.)

You can introduce the topic through things that turn you on, be they sex toys, phone sex, fun ways to use condoms, flowers, a surprise picnic, etc. Being honest about your delights and desires gives your partner space to do the same. 

You can talk openly about what you want, including how to make safer sex decisions together. Take a tip from an elephant: swim with your trunk held high, paddling where you want to go with grace. You do have it in you.

- Janet

Check This Out: Herpes Doesn’t Go Dormant

I do tend to go on about safe sex, but it’s my purpose to provide you with information about preventing STIs, and condoms and dental dams are top notch tools for the job. But yes, I know that a latex or polyurethane barrier is not part of everyone’s idea of enjoyable sex. For those who partner with men, they’ve likely heard about the negative aspects for years- condoms aren’t comfortable, they reduce sensation, and they’re a plain drag. Female partners may say safe sex isn’t necessary, but women can share STIs too. Like the Buddhist noble truth that “Life means suffering” a fundamental truth about sex is that it can pass infections from person to person.

Women aren’t always crazy about condoms or dental dams either. Skin on skin is lovely. Of course it’s your choice how far you go to au naturel. I just suggest you get all the information you need to make an informed decision. Have you and your partner talked about being tested and cleared for STIs?

Consider this: Humanpapillomavirus (HPV) is one of the most common STIs. Infection with certain types of HPV can lead to oral, cervical or anal cancer- a horrible outcome from an infection that is easily passed through skin-to-skin contact. There’s no test for it (although Pap tests screen for its after effects).  Both men and women may carry it unknowingly.  There’s an argument for latex right there, if you ask me. 

If either you or your partner is positive for other viral STIs like herpes or HIV, then safe sex is an obvious choice. You can assume "everyone has herpes” but might be less likely to think about HIV. In Canada, women account for 1 in 4 new infections (see page 35 of this source).  Those stats are closer to 1 in 2 for Aboriginal women (Same source, page 55). Are you familiar with the concept that you have sex with everyone your partner has had sex with? While bacterial STIs can be treated and eliminated, when it comes to viral STIs, the beat goes on and on. 

While there are treatments for herpes and HIV, they can come with a high health cost in the form of side effects and tolerability. HIV treatments can prompt the development of other health complications like diabetes. And living with a highly stigmatized disease for the rest of your life probably isn’t what you’re looking for from a night of love.

You’re an adult- you choose. Just get your info lined up first.

- Janet

Check This Out: Sex Degrees of Separation

So I’ve been at this blog and site for a couple of months now (we launched in November) and I’m reflecting on the busy-ness of designing, writing the FAQ pages, the initial blogs, finding links I’d suggest, creating information and connecting with women in midlife. I’ve just received word that I’ll be presenting at the Canadian AIDS Society Skills Building Symposium in March, and so I’m joyfully faced again with explaining why. It’s always good to go back to basics. Here’s why.

Women need age-specific, sexually frank info that’s respectful. I believe in naming body parts as they are and don’t assume that everyone’s sexual experience is similar. Writing something aimed at “women over 40” may have the implication that we’re all the same, but of course we’re not. We’re different ages over 40 and at different points in sexual desire (ask anyone on a given day). We partner with men, with women, and we’re different colours and sizes. Our histories translate sex differently for all of us. For some it’s comfort and pleasure, for others it’s fraught with difficulty, yet aspirations to enjoyment.

I can’t write every post for every woman, but I write with these convictions:

Our sexual health matters. We’ll all fare better at the doctor, with sex partners, as parents and as people if we have accurate sexual health information.

Midlife means body changes, and it’s good to understand the process and what to expect. We can embrace youth in the name of health, but we can’t strangle it. Honouring the changes of our bodies and being true to our experiences right now is better than lamenting what we’ve “lost.”

We may not be of “reproductive age” anymore, but we’re still vulnerable to sexually transmitted infections and we need safer sex information. Staying on top (no pun intended) of sexual health screening needs to extend well beyond our reproductive years, whether we ended up reproducing or not. Having safer sex information to use with our partners will contribute to healthy choices. 

You Should Know is a site to dispel myths and support women to make healthy choices. Through the web and social networking like Facebook and Twitter, my hope is that this is a space where women feel comfortable reflecting on diversities in sexual behaviour and practices. Where women can get information that fits their lives.

-  Janet

Check This Out: Preventing AIDS Among Boomers

I’ve been reminded in a few ways recently that it’s not a good idea to make presumptions about people and what they do in bed. It came up in conversation with a friend who shared something about her sex life and then laughed a little. “My kids would be shocked by that,” she grinned. And American actress Meredith Baxter, who recently came out as a lesbian in her 60’s, highlighted that our lives are ever unfolding, and we don’t necessarily know what the next turn in the road will bring. One of the amazing things about growing older and gaining more experience is discovering that things are ever surprising. This is particularly true when it comes to sexual choices.

You don’t always know what’s ahead, or who might surprise you. But knowing about safer sex can help you along. When it comes to safer sex, it’s not “who you do, it’s what you do” that you need to take into consideration. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be passed between men and women, women and women, and men and men, despite what we might have been taught to believe and hold onto about “the sorts of people” who get STIs (ridiculous high school rumours anyone?).

I’ve blogged on this before, and it’s a drumbeat I think bears repeating cause it’s important to hear. You can become vulnerable when you start assuming only “certain types” of people get STIs and if you judge the person, you’re safe. When HIV first came to general attention in the public, many people thought they were safe because it was dramatically appearing in the communities of men who have sex with men. People thought of it as a “gay man’s disease,” and conservative thinkers claimed it was a judgment on "immorality". Well, that would be giving a disease the ability to think (and think in a biased manner at that). Viruses and infections don’t have brains. They just move from person to person, given the opportunity. And that opportunity is unsafe sex.

You may have sex with women, or men, or both. Your delights could include vaginal sex, anal sex, oral sex, a little bondage, and anywhere else your imagination takes you. However you explore your pleasure, make it safe. Get the facts on HIV and other STIs. It isn’t your partner, it’s how you do what you do together that can give STIs the chance to spread. STIs don’t think, but you do.

 - Janet

Check This Out:
For those who enjoy a little varied play, see The Woman’s Survival Guide to Sexual Health: Anal Sex Tips and Techniques. One key tip is it shouldn’t be painful.

If you haven’t seen the get-your-best-body-ever themed articles yet, you’re lucky. It’s January, so of course we’re going to be regaled with articles including tips on how to:

 
a) Lose the holiday pounds 

b) Get in the best shape of our lives by changing (or starting) so-and-so’s workout routine

c) Look more youthful

Don’t get me wrong- I am all for being as healthy as you can. But I also believe that if we start from a place of plenty instead of want, we’re in a stronger position. And to really look after our sexual health, ask for what we want with our partners, and take responsibility for ourselves, we need to respect ourselves. Measuring your worth by whether you’re 280 pounds or 150 pounds is not the way to do it. The body you’re in is the one you have to work with, and honouring it’s going to help you experience things more fully than punishing it will.

Enjoy your body. Midlife is a time of body changes that are different from the youth focused culture of media. But we don’t have to apologize for them. It’s a natural process, not an illness. If you’re post-menopausal, enjoy sex without worrying about unplanned pregnancy (but be aware of STIs). Learn about healthy sexuality for women in their middle years, talk about safe sex practices with partners.

The body you’re in is the one you built with every day you’ve lived. Midlife means we’ve had lots of days filled with emotion and experience. Certainly we’ve learned that time passes so fast. Don’t spend more days thinking you aren’t measuring up because you don’t fit some magazine ideal. You are enough. We all are. Start your year there.

- Janet

Check This Out:  40 Things I Know at 50… Because 50 is the New 40