The blog introduces the concept that sex won’t be necessary for making babies in the future. It profiles a scientist who suggests that as soon as 50 years from now, the majority of baby-making could be done via In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Drag for the couples who enjoy the baby-making, I initially thought. I was relieved to read that the pleasures of sex weren’t being abandoned, but enjoying it as a path to a baby might be.

Developments in fertility medicine in my lifetime have been amazing. I remember the birth of Louise Brown, the world’s first “test tube baby” produced via IVF. It was huge international news. Now babies conceived through IVF are born every day. And it’s not just IVF that has become readily available (if you have the money). There are all kinds of options, from donor insemination to surrogacy.   

Age is a factor in fertility, but not necessarily an insurmountable one. Women in the course of perimenopause or even post menopause can carry babies to term with fertility procedures. It’s not always medically achievable, but it works for some.   

IVF is already considered standard procedure in some circles- will it become standard practice for all? Will my grandchildren be conceived in a glass? I have to think about that.  

-  Janet

Photo: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Big Little Wolf did a great piece last week about the delights of being sexy over 50. And it referred to a couple of other pieces on the topic- clearly we’re not giving up on sex midlife. So why wouldn’t safe sex apply?

Perhaps people were shy about talking in public and they get their HIV and STI prevention information elsewhere (please). And that they’re using condoms or dams as needed. What concerns me is if people think it doesn’t apply to them.

Sex doesn’t stop as wrinkles appear. And neither does STI transmission, as illustrated by rising STI rates in older age brackets. Here’s hoping it was a scheduling issue more than anything.

- Janet

P.S.-  I didn’t talk about the new sex education guidelines in the US, because I already posted my thoughts over at Positive Women’s Network on Friday. I will just say, though, I hope they soar!

Photo: scottchan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I will go on about a recent read, though. Ami McKay’s The Virgin Cure was a holiday gift (thanks L) and I’ve just finished it. If you read McKay’s first novel, The Birth House, you know her writing is poetic and dances with difficult subjects. The Virgin Cure carries on.

The Virgin Cure tells the story of girls and women in 19th century New York, where restrictions were many and opportunities few. Moth, a twelve year old cast out into the streets, joins “the training” to become a whore (the word of the day). A caring female (!) doctor worries that Moth will be used for “the virgin cure” – a man’s attempt to rid himself of syphilis, which in those days was incurable.  

It is beautifully written, though its topic is hard to read. It reminded me of the recent “virgin cure” mythology that having sex with a virgin will cure HIV. This one is also untrue, but like the days of the syphilis cure, used nonetheless. Even babies have been raped in the attempt to find a cure. There is no cure for HIV, although there’s treatment that can make it almost medically bearable- the social stigma is a different thing.

Thanks goodness for women like Betty Makoni in Zimbabwe who founded the Girl Child Network to help survivors of sexual abuse who have been targeted for the virgin cure. I’m grateful she’s there for the after effect, but wish to all the power we humans have that this wouldn’t have to be the case.

Education about how HIV is transmitted, prevented and treated should be available to anyone and everyone. Providing our children and our adult selves solid comprehensive sexual health information is as necessary as teaching morals. I choose morals as that accompaniment specifically, as I’ve heard it claimed that teaching sex education goes against morals. I say that teaching someone how their body works and how disease/ illness can affect it is part of a larger conversation about how we care for ourselves and each other in the world, of which morals are a part.

But even with education, there are the gender imbalances. *Deep sigh.*

One lament per post.

A great read, reminder and reason for thorough sex education and standing up for kids’ rights, I do recommend The Virgin Cure. And resolve to continue in sex education and sexual health rights.

Janet

Loved this “Best of re:Cycling Blog” list  from the The Society for Menstrual Cycle research.  DO read the “Menopause isn’t for Dummies” post- good old Roseanne is at it for those of us in perimenopause.  

Best science crud of the year: Celebrities deliver “health” information. Thanks to colleague Robyn Sussel over at Signals for this one. 

Florida’s Sun Sentinel sums up the “Top Ten Sexual Health Events of 2011” Coverage on teens, boomer sexuality, sex education and living longer with HIV.
 
Happy New Year to all!

- Janet

Photo: winnond / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A wonderful woman is Pamela Madsen. As I’ve said before, we’re not related except in spirit,  so this isn’t a family plug. I love her writing: mid-life, aging, sexuality, honouring  yourself. Excellent thoughtful stuff.

If you’re looking for a few funny reads, do check out The Bloggess.for a view of the world from  Jenny Lawson. She is funny, at times rude, and dependably quirky. She writes on sex, parenting, and then, well, other stuff. Like Big Chickens. She writes for lots of folks, so you’re bound to find something that fits.

If neither of those women fit for the moment, there’s always Facebook.

Until next week, I raise a mint chocolate (no specific brand- I’ll comparison eat them all) and smile.

Janet

According to a recent report in MEDSURG Nursing Journal, rates of HIV and other STIs have increased in people over 40. Syphilis, Chlamydia, and gonorrhea are not at all uncommon. HPV is also on the rise.

Perhaps you’re already living with a viral STI like herpes or HIV. If that’s the case or if you’re trying to avoid STIs, safe sex know-how is important.

What exactly is safe sex? Safe sex is the best you can do to protect yourself and your partner(s) from sharing any STIs either of you might have. It includes behaviour choices and what we sexual health folk call “risk reduction”- handy tools like condoms or dental dams. Safe sex (or safer sex, which is more accurate) isn’t perfect- some STIs can be transmitted through skin to skin contact, like herpes and HPV. Which is why the conversation before sex is important.

Conversation can be the toughest part, as many women living with HIV can attest. But no matter what your STI status, an awkward talk about safe sex is better than none at all. Talking about your desires can include a point about feeling confident with condoms for any penetration (including oral) and dams for oral sex on you. As my nurse-friend Evelyn points out, it’s way better to talk about safe sex than to deal with an unhappy result after the fact, whether with your lover or at the doctor’s.

Risk reduction means doing things differently than you might have before- using condoms for penetration, for one. So what if you no longer can get pregnant? You can still get an STI and more folks our age are, especially with online dating all the rage.

Dating Confidential researcher Cindy Masaro (I’ve sung her praises before) and I recently talked. She’s finding it’s really interesting how women say they’ll have sex with someone they’ve met online soon after meeting them in real life. Even though they’ve shared all kinds of intimate info online, they haven’t talked about safe sex. The assumption that their new love “would have told me” is the general rationale.

Given that lots of people who have HIV don’t know it (here in Canada it’s estimated that 26% of people with HIV don’t know it yet), is this a rationale that seems wise? I’d say no.

If you’re still not convinced, consider this- with perimenopause and post-menopausally, our bodies change. We have less natural lubrication, which can make the tissue more likely to tear during penetration. That puts us at more risk for STI transmission.  

So talk to your guy or gal. It shows confidence and caring.

- Janet

Photo: Free Digital Images/ Markuso

Several pieces in particular caught my attention in the past week. One was from the Jamaican Women’s Media Watch (WMW). They’ve launched a training manual for gender aware media. In the piece covering the release, training Coordinator Hilary Nicholson said,

“What used to be considered pornography or even soft porn, now reaches school children on their cell phones and it has become so everyday that we don’t even see it as soft porn, it’s just considered sexy.”

“Sexy” is used for selling everything. If you have your wits about you when watching a fifteen second commercial, it can be laughable how sexy women are used to sell the most unsexy things. I try to have my wits about me when watching TV with the kids, but honestly, I don’t always. After a long work day, picking up the kids, making dinner, returning phone calls, and all the stuff that goes into planning for the next day, my wits have often walked.

But I will be discussing these ones – Virginia over at Beauty Schooled posted an article on iVillage last week about bikini waxes being peddled to twelve year-olds. Twelve! I was thankful that Lissa Rankin and others retweeted my outrage when I first shared the post- the more energy for this issue, the better. Telling twelve year olds to reject their natural bodies before they’re even done developing follows the nasty hate-your-body theme. And you probably heard about retail chain H&M admitting they combine digital bodies and real heads to “create” their models. Un-real women. Again, not in a good way.

I am thankful for the many people talking about this stuff so we can support each other and our kids and  challenge these advertising norms. Helping my kids have analysis is important; helping change things is vital.

 - Janet

As the details of the murders at L’Ecole Polytechnique came out, the city reeled. It was a horrible time. Twenty-two years ago- a lifetime ago that those women will never know. They’d be middle aged like me now.

A friend of mine won’t speak the name of their murderer. “Why give him any more air time?” she asks. The focus should be on the women, not on perpetuating his name in Canadian history. It’s a tough piece of our history, for sure.

Sadly, violence against women occurs every minute of every day around the world. Girls and women are controlled via culture, society, finances, fists and weapons. They’re controlled by lack of sexual health education and sexual health services.  They’re abused through physical and sexual violence in all kinds of socially sanctioned relationships. Many girls and women in the world live their lives in fear.  

Twenty-two years ago in Montreal, women like me were afraid too. What had happened was way too close. I handed in a paper- late and lousy. My professor remarked that it wasn’t up to my usual style. I admitted that I’d been having a hard time since the shootings. He was flabbergasted, then immediately apologetic, saying I should have asked for more time. It hadn’t occurred to me, because the message to women is that we must always get on with things. Get along.  

Violence against women shouldn’t be bearable. We shouldn’t have to get along. It should be something the world fights against, for ourselves, our daughters, our sons.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the women from Montreal. Take a minute to remember. Then, please, talk to someone about making change. If you’re in Vancouver, join Women Against Violence Against Women at the Vancouver Art Gallery. Look locally wherever you are, because people are trying to make change.Together we have to make a difference.

- Janet

Twenty years ago some visionary women set out to support women with HIV in Vancouver, BC. They were women with HIV and women from various backgrounds- nursing, social work, and education. They knew something needed to be done for women specifically, and their first meeting in the common room of a housing co-op led to the nationally recognized organization that Positive Women’s Network is today. Positive Women’s Network (aka PWN) not only provides support to women with HIV, they also develop education, prevention and health promotion info- like You Should Know. One of the big themes talked about back then was the stigma that women face, especially as members of intricate family units that centre around them.

Stigma still exists everywhere for women with HIV. A Canadian study of women revealed that stigma figures highly in their day to day lives, as do sexism and racism.  Women the world over report this. There is stigma in having HIV, and stigma in “bringing it into the family” whether this was the actual case or not. Women who discover their HIV status during pregnancy often bear the brunt of blame, as they receive the diagnosis their husbands haven’t sought.  

But women challenge stigma, and challenge the destruction that HIV brings. The Grandmothers to Grandmothers movement is a great example. Many grandmothers in African countries have to step back into parenting their orphaned grandchildren when adult children die of AIDS. Grandmothers here in Canada work to raise awareness of the need for this work and funds to support it through the Stephen Lewis Foundation. (Yes, that IS a plug to donate!)

Peer support is also an essential part of confronting HIV as it weaves through medical, political, socioeconomic, geographical, and intimately personal pieces of life. (Yes, that sentence is a challenge. – but so is living with HIV). Members at Positive Women’s Network say “PWN is a confidential and safe space created for women…it feels like a family, feels like going home.”

As one woman puts it, “Women heal women.”

But women can’t do this work alone. Women and men need to work together to change the shape of what it’s like to live with HIV. Many courageous and strong people do just that. As the Positive Women’s Network community contemplates the beginning our twenty-first year in “Challenging HIV. Changing Women’s Lives” we ask everyone to “Do something” on World AIDS Day. Learn about HIV; talk safer sex with those you care about, young and old. Share the humility that this could happen to any one of us – risk factors for HIV transmission are based on human vulnerabilities. Make sure you and your loved ones know how to prevent HIV and where to go for support should it be needed. Don’t deny- do something.

- Janet

 Photo: MorgueFile

Another edit of this post is on Positive Women’s Network

That’s the message behind a new campaign that was launched recently in Vancouver, a part of a larger project called Seek and Treat for Optimal Prevention of HIV/ AIDS. Its acronym is STOP, and the goal is to eliminate new HIV infection.  

Part of halting new infections is identifying current infections. The Public Health Agency of Canada estimates that about a quarter of Canadians who have HIV don’t know it. In the U.S., the estimate is that about one fifth of HIV+ folks don’t know.  

HIV can go undetected for many years because it doesn’t produce obvious symptoms, even though it is damaging the immune system. But because a person can have HIV for many years before being aware of it, they might transmit HIV unknowingly. You can’t tell from looking at someone whether or not they have HIV. If they don’t know, neither will you. This is where It’s Different Now comes in.

The campaign encourages people to get tested because HIV healthcare and management has changed dramatically – for testing, treatment and life. The test itself is being offered on a more routine basis. It’s not a judgment call about that slippery “lifestyle” concept, it’s framed as health screening that everyone should get.

For folks who do test positive, treatment may be suggested if their health warrants it. HIV treatment can have a huge impact on your health and that of your sex partner(s). HIV treatment reduces the amount of virus circulating in the blood (known as viral load) and slows the reproduction of HIV, giving the immune system a chance to recover. When viral load is under control, the likelihood of passing on HIV is reduced considerably, as I blogged about recently. Hence “treatment as prevention.”  

And treatment, if it’s needed, is simpler than ever before. For some people it can be as minimal as one pill a day, with few side effects. Life with HIV won’t mean you go on as before- of course it’s an adjustment. But you don’t have to worry as much about dying a premature death. With access to treatment,* many of the people diagnosed with HIV these days will live close to a normal lifespan.

Should you test positive, there’s more than medical support out there. Positive Women’s Network offers support for women with HIV in BC, and there are other organizations that do so elsewhere.  

If you haven’t been tested for HIV, check out the It’s Different Now website for information on why, how and when you can get tested. “We don’t think you’re special” reads the promo. In other words, just do the healthy thing.

Janet

*The worldwide challenge with treatment as prevention is that providing treatment is beyond the means of many countries and individuals. Individual advocates and organizations are working to address this, including the William J. Clinton Foundation. 

 December 1 is World AIDS Day. This year the UNAIDS theme is “Getting to Zero.” See the many intepretations.