I’ve understood it was given as “advice” to women when their husbands wanted sex and they didn’t. Good old Wikipedia confirmed this, and the fact that it theoretically originates in the Victorian era, in the diary of a woman named Lady Alice Hillingdon. It was also given as preparation for brides on their wedding night –  pretty much the only sex education they were going to get.

I know sex education for youth is fraught with parental worry about how much is too much and what’s the best timing, but I surely hope that women and men get comprehensive sex ed long before they’re preparing for their weddings.

For those in our age bracket who are starting out again and might need some refresher info, check our FAQ pages as a start. Pamela Madsen (Shameless) is a great writer celebrating lively and informed sexuality over 50. And I’ve recently discovered Joan Price, author of Naked At Our Age.

It’s a holiday. Relax, and lie back if you so desire. Think about whatever makes you happy.

- Janet

Female puberty isn’t just about menstruation, just as menopause isn’t just about periods ending. Other things are going on, as those in the midst of hot flashes will confirm. The vagina goes through changes as do our bones, skin and hair, but for the purpose of this blog, I’m talking about the vagina. Young women may be menstruating regularly, but their vaginal tissues and cervixes aren’t fully mature for a few years after the onset of periods. Vaginas of women in perimenopause or post menopause have less lubrication than when they were younger, and tissues become thinner as well. As a result, young and older women can be more biologically vulnerable to STI than women in their twenties and thirties.

So what do you do to take care? Obviously, talk to your partner(s) about any recurring STIs you or they may have. Talk to your doctor about STI testing. And when it comes to sex itself, you want to avoid any tearing of tissue and exposure to STIs. Use lots of lube and latex condoms for intercourse – anal or vaginal. For those who are sensitive to latex, polyurethane is a safe barrier (natural materials like lambskin don’t block STIs). You can also use condoms and/or dental dams for oral sex. And even if it feels awkward, ensure the beloved younger generation gets this information too.

- Janet

photo: MorgueFile

It’s not the threat to heart health it might seem to be, despite the racing beat that caffeine often delivers. And it’s not associated with cancer risk over a lifetime. Bonus- although as Joe Jackson once sang, that might change too.

Great things about coffee? It can improve your sexual stamina and alert you for a delightful morning romp. As one coffee lover writes, it’s romantic in that sense- alcohol can’t do the same by a long shot. Not to mention alcohol inhibits one’s ability to make decisions about safer sex. It’s also got its romantic meaning- first dates are often for coffee, instead of higher pressure dinner. And it might enhance our sex drives- it does for rats in lab studies, although they weren’t regular caffeine consumers.  

Coffee does have its down sides. At one point, women didn’t like the effects of coffee on their marriages. When men visited coffee houses (and then the brothels upstairs) women thought it was coffee causing their husbands’ lagging sexual interests, and tried to ban it. And if you’re prone to incontinence at all- not uncommon for us gals- caffeine can irritate a sensitive bladder.

But I’m not giving it up anytime soon. It’s too tasty, too laden with ritual and delight. And at this point in family and work life, I appreciate the jump start it delivers- in many ways.

- Janet 

photo: Morguefile

One researcher who has been studying endocrinology for years is Vancouver’s Dr. Jerilyn Prior. Founder of CEMCOR, the Centre for Menstrual Cycle and Ovulation Research, Prior’s work takes a different turn. Her research thus far indicates that’s it’s a deficit of progesterone, not estrogen, that contributes to challenges of perimenopause and menopause.

Given that standard HRT thinking has tagged a lack of estrogen as “the problem,” Dr Prior’s thesis hasn’t been a popular one. Yet she’s persevered with her research and talking about its results. She’s written a number of books on the topic- and notably, will have a page to herself in the new 40th anniversary edition of Our Bodies Ourselves that highlights her work. This latest research seems to support what she’s saying.

I’ve heard Dr Prior speak and read information on the CEMCOR site- her work makes sense to me. But every woman has to make sense of her own body and make health care decisions with her doctor. I’ll keep looking for info- it’s fascinating how information continues to roll out on these amazing bodies of ours.

- Janet

So.

Not surprising we sometimes forget things. What I appreciated about the article was that it identified that the brain changes aren’t only memory, as in how we recall things. It’s also about how our brain is able to organize tasks. I’m often reminded of how I felt when I was pregnant- the extreme hunger, and words disappearing down a rabbit hole- very frustrating, considering I write for a living! I’ll be having a conversation with a coworker, get interrupted by a phone call I’ve been waiting for and then… dum de dum… what was I saying? *Sigh.*

Other treats of perimenopause can include the roller coaster mood shifts of anger, anxiety and the blues many of you are undoubtedly familiar with. Or maybe you stick to one note. My friend Ann says she’s forever angry, and really tired of it.
 
Take comfort in this- I’m there, you’re there, and there are millions of women around the world going through it. Millions have gone through it. And we’ll make it. Whether we have the words for it or not.

Janet

photo: istock

Some may think talking about one’s personal demons so openly is a bad plan, but I think it’s a personal choice and really appreciate her honesty.  One of the things I track for You Should Know is articles on mental health and women. The focus at YSK on midlife and beyond can’t escape the emotional ups and downs of perimenopause, which can bring depression and/or anxiety. Both ends of that spectrum can be isolating and feel so shameful.  

A recent report says that one in five Americans have had mental health problems in the past year, with many youth affected.  In adult populations, women are more likely than men to struggle. If this is so common, we need to start talking.  Which is why I love The Bloggess for going “live.”

A great thing about social networking is the truly social part-it’s informative, it’s fun and it can be supportive, like in this case. It can offer relief when you realize, “Oh, I’m not the only one.”  Especially if you’re feeling, in the words of Anne Lamott,  “My mind is a neighbourhood I try not to go into alone.”

Everyone’s mind can be a lonely neighbourhood, but there really are lots of neighbours in warm homes all  around- we just have to realize that.  Imagery aside, I’m not a doctor, so do see yours if your feelings are interfering with your ability to go about your every day routines.  Some mood swings are part of normal, and others do need assessment and help.

Really, you’re not the only one.

- Janet

PS-  My post on Positive Women’s Network last week discussed the criminalization of  HIV disclosure- is it working?

Image: iStock

The blog introduces the concept that sex won’t be necessary for making babies in the future. It profiles a scientist who suggests that as soon as 50 years from now, the majority of baby-making could be done via In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Drag for the couples who enjoy the baby-making, I initially thought. I was relieved to read that the pleasures of sex weren’t being abandoned, but enjoying it as a path to a baby might be.

Developments in fertility medicine in my lifetime have been amazing. I remember the birth of Louise Brown, the world’s first “test tube baby” produced via IVF. It was huge international news. Now babies conceived through IVF are born every day. And it’s not just IVF that has become readily available (if you have the money). There are all kinds of options, from donor insemination to surrogacy.   

Age is a factor in fertility, but not necessarily an insurmountable one. Women in the course of perimenopause or even post menopause can carry babies to term with fertility procedures. It’s not always medically achievable, but it works for some.   

IVF is already considered standard procedure in some circles- will it become standard practice for all? Will my grandchildren be conceived in a glass? I have to think about that.  

-  Janet

Photo: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Big Little Wolf did a great piece last week about the delights of being sexy over 50. And it referred to a couple of other pieces on the topic- clearly we’re not giving up on sex midlife. So why wouldn’t safe sex apply?

Perhaps people were shy about talking in public and they get their HIV and STI prevention information elsewhere (please). And that they’re using condoms or dams as needed. What concerns me is if people think it doesn’t apply to them.

Sex doesn’t stop as wrinkles appear. And neither does STI transmission, as illustrated by rising STI rates in older age brackets. Here’s hoping it was a scheduling issue more than anything.

- Janet

P.S.-  I didn’t talk about the new sex education guidelines in the US, because I already posted my thoughts over at Positive Women’s Network on Friday. I will just say, though, I hope they soar!

Photo: scottchan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Loved this “Best of re:Cycling Blog” list  from the The Society for Menstrual Cycle research.  DO read the “Menopause isn’t for Dummies” post- good old Roseanne is at it for those of us in perimenopause.  

Best science crud of the year: Celebrities deliver “health” information. Thanks to colleague Robyn Sussel over at Signals for this one. 

Florida’s Sun Sentinel sums up the “Top Ten Sexual Health Events of 2011” Coverage on teens, boomer sexuality, sex education and living longer with HIV.
 
Happy New Year to all!

- Janet

Photo: winnond / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A wonderful woman is Pamela Madsen. As I’ve said before, we’re not related except in spirit,  so this isn’t a family plug. I love her writing: mid-life, aging, sexuality, honouring  yourself. Excellent thoughtful stuff.

If you’re looking for a few funny reads, do check out The Bloggess.for a view of the world from  Jenny Lawson. She is funny, at times rude, and dependably quirky. She writes on sex, parenting, and then, well, other stuff. Like Big Chickens. She writes for lots of folks, so you’re bound to find something that fits.

If neither of those women fit for the moment, there’s always Facebook.

Until next week, I raise a mint chocolate (no specific brand- I’ll comparison eat them all) and smile.

Janet