Female puberty isn’t just about menstruation, just as menopause isn’t just about periods ending. Other things are going on, as those in the midst of hot flashes will confirm. The vagina goes through changes as do our bones, skin and hair, but for the purpose of this blog, I’m talking about the vagina. Young women may be menstruating regularly, but their vaginal tissues and cervixes aren’t fully mature for a few years after the onset of periods. Vaginas of women in perimenopause or post menopause have less lubrication than when they were younger, and tissues become thinner as well. As a result, young and older women can be more biologically vulnerable to STI than women in their twenties and thirties.

So what do you do to take care? Obviously, talk to your partner(s) about any recurring STIs you or they may have. Talk to your doctor about STI testing. And when it comes to sex itself, you want to avoid any tearing of tissue and exposure to STIs. Use lots of lube and latex condoms for intercourse – anal or vaginal. For those who are sensitive to latex, polyurethane is a safe barrier (natural materials like lambskin don’t block STIs). You can also use condoms and/or dental dams for oral sex. And even if it feels awkward, ensure the beloved younger generation gets this information too.

- Janet

photo: MorgueFile

My mom died before I had children, before I was even pregnant, actually. I’ve never been able to call her up so she can laugh about the latest parenting milestones I’ve reached. That’s been a huge drag many times; mostly because she deserves a huge fat thank you that I had no idea would be so justified.

Mom had a great piece of wisdom about parents and children that I’ve been thinking about lately. She felt it was important for me to have adults other than her to trust and confide in. She was that person for a friend’s daughter. She had no expectations around homework or house chores. She was the ears and heart her young friend needed.

So Mom had no problem with me confiding in the woman I babysat for, a nurse whose husband rode a motorcycle- far cooler than my parents. They were somewhat younger and totally separate from my life at school and home. They even lived in a different neighbourhood. They were lovely, funny people who treated me like the in-between creature that I was. Not a kid- I was looking after their sweet kid, for goodness sake. But full of worries and questions because I was not yet an adult. They teased me about crushes and didn’t get beefed when I ate all the cookies in the jar.

I have a couple of friends who would be wonderful for my girl that way. They’ve known her since she was a baby, but they have the luxury of arm’s length because they’re not family. And they are waaay hipper than me. We share beliefs around sex education, so if that ever comes up, my girl’s on good ground with them.

We are moving through, my girl and I. I want her to have support and good knowledge of sexual health, confidence in her own sexuality, and joy as her life unfolds. She’s an amazing kid, and I feel grateful she has loving adults besides her parents who are part of her life.

Thanks, Mom.

- Janet

Photo: Kakisky, MorgueFile

But will they be used? Microbicides could change the feel of sex- some formulations could be slick like lube, and others thicker, like contraceptive jelly. How will that play in the moment? Will people be open to the different sensations microbicides (might) offer? How will they feel in varied sex play that could include oral sex?

These are questions that researchers were urged to consider at last week’s conference. We all have our preferences of how we like sex. While it will be great to have new HIV prevention tools, acceptability and adherence are key issues to their success.  

You might say “Of course people would use them!” But think about condoms- they’re effective for preventing HIV and other STIs, yet they’re not always used because people prefer sex without them, even with STI risk (or denial). For those who grew up sexually in the time where the Pill was the answer to safe sex between men and women, adjusting to condoms was a shift (and still needs work, as rising STI rates in older populations show).

Condoms have been part of our sexual culture for thousands of years and they can still prompt complicated feelings. If you carry them, you might feel too forward.  Some people feel awkward about bringing up condoms and safe sex. Others say they just aren’t comfortable. Microbicides will enter this same taut fray of feelings.

I am super excited about the possibility of them – the more safe sex options we have, the better and more confident we can be. How we work them into sexual culture and comfort is as important as the products themselves. What are you willing to try for safe sex?

- Janet

 photo: iStock

One researcher who has been studying endocrinology for years is Vancouver’s Dr. Jerilyn Prior. Founder of CEMCOR, the Centre for Menstrual Cycle and Ovulation Research, Prior’s work takes a different turn. Her research thus far indicates that’s it’s a deficit of progesterone, not estrogen, that contributes to challenges of perimenopause and menopause.

Given that standard HRT thinking has tagged a lack of estrogen as “the problem,” Dr Prior’s thesis hasn’t been a popular one. Yet she’s persevered with her research and talking about its results. She’s written a number of books on the topic- and notably, will have a page to herself in the new 40th anniversary edition of Our Bodies Ourselves that highlights her work. This latest research seems to support what she’s saying.

I’ve heard Dr Prior speak and read information on the CEMCOR site- her work makes sense to me. But every woman has to make sense of her own body and make health care decisions with her doctor. I’ll keep looking for info- it’s fascinating how information continues to roll out on these amazing bodies of ours.

- Janet

Sharon’s pick was Brene Brown’s The Power of Vulnerability and mine was Susan Cain’s The Power of Introverts. They’re not about sexual health per se, but stick with me.

These two presentations spoke of individuality and community. Of embracing your own quirky self, along with worries and weaknesses. Of realizing that everyone gets stressed and anxious.

I really appreciated the talk about getting off the standard tracks of perfectionism and “ta da!” extroversion that we’re encouraged to embrace, often at the cost of our individuality. Breaking free from that thinking can change our lives. And here comes the sexual health part- breaking free from prescriptive ways of being can influence all parts of our lives for the better, sex included.

Give them a look/ listen. See what you think. And about how freeing yourself from prescription might be a benefit.

 - Janet

 photo: Morguefile

So.

Not surprising we sometimes forget things. What I appreciated about the article was that it identified that the brain changes aren’t only memory, as in how we recall things. It’s also about how our brain is able to organize tasks. I’m often reminded of how I felt when I was pregnant- the extreme hunger, and words disappearing down a rabbit hole- very frustrating, considering I write for a living! I’ll be having a conversation with a coworker, get interrupted by a phone call I’ve been waiting for and then… dum de dum… what was I saying? *Sigh.*

Other treats of perimenopause can include the roller coaster mood shifts of anger, anxiety and the blues many of you are undoubtedly familiar with. Or maybe you stick to one note. My friend Ann says she’s forever angry, and really tired of it.
 
Take comfort in this- I’m there, you’re there, and there are millions of women around the world going through it. Millions have gone through it. And we’ll make it. Whether we have the words for it or not.

Janet

photo: istock

The past week was a lively one in the US, what with Utah busy banning sex education and determining a difficult future for their youth. Nothing like laying the groundwork for glory. This despite research that says sex education can help delay sexual debut until kids are a little older.

But it’s not just about numbers. The research says the difference isn’t just in timing of first sex; it’s also in the choice of partner. Kids who waited longer were more likely to choose a partner closer to their own age. For heterosexually minded girls, this is significant. Girls who enter relationships with boys or men older than them can be at a disadvantage. The likelihood of exposure to STIs is higher, given that older males will likely have had more sexual partners. Pair that with lower self esteem of younger girls in relationships with older guys and you have risks that I don’t like as a parent.

We all have bodies with hormones that affect us, especially in the teen years. If kids are educated about how their amazing bodies work, won’t they be all the better prepared to honour and enjoy them? Give kids sex education that talks about all the aspects of sexuality, including biology and relationship dynamics. We should talk about pressure and control, about online intimacy as it translates into real life, about birth control, STIs and sexual orientation. Doing any less is a disservice.

Janet

There is still a lot to take on- gender violence, equal rights, cultural “norms” that place girls and women behind men. Voting rights, control of money, property ownership, health care, and access to birth control options are all works in progress. These are just a few of the issues we have to take on. There’s a lot of work in progress.

And that is amazing. 

Women often face ongoing and frequently brutal adversity, but that doesn’t stop us. Women are resilient, resourceful, and passionate. 

Happy International Women’s Day to all women. To our girls- we’re working on a better future for you. 

Together. 

Janet 

Cross posted at Positive Women’s Network

photo: MorgueFile
 

It turns out that like a lot in life, it’s about relationships. In this case, it’s the word as well as the notion.  

Cindy says she’s talked to a number of women who’ve made her think about how we use the word relationship when we talk about sex. These women embody the study target group — over 25 (and often well beyond), newly dating, regularly dating the same men, having sex, and using technology to make those connections. But they say relationship doesn’t describe what’s going on. One woman said she’s dating several different people and having sex with all of them, but wouldn’t call any of them a relationship.

As pure definition, a sexual connection can be termed a “relationship,” as it describes how people relate to one another. But it’s a loaded word, and the cultural application might not ring true. If the implication is coupledom, women might not use it. For women who are newly divorced or separated, being in a Relationship isn’t necessarily what they’re looking for.

Seeing as Cindy’s keen to learn more about women’s sex habits to ultimately improve sexual health education and care, she’s had to think about how people measure the word- interesting stuff when it comes to talking to people about sexual health.

I look forward to hearing more about what women have to say. In the meantime, if you‘re newly dating, involved with men, and over 25, please consider taking part in the study. Your answers are anonymous, and could help contribute to better sexual health and education for women across the country.

- Janet

photo: iStock

My Google result proved that it’s been on human minds forever. According to one site I visited (has visuals if you’re at work), those gorgeously endowed goddess figurines from 33,000 BCE are actually “pornographic” according to an archaeologist. Phalluses of stone, the discovery that olive oil was good for more than food and plentiful erotic art illustrate that we are creatures who love to play with toys.

When my friend Ann separated from her husband, she got her first vibrator which she referred to as “my friend.” She used it solo but sex toys can be fun with a partner too. There’s no shortage of toy options, and there are lots of sex shops that cater to women. Locally we have Womyn’s Ware, and south of the border there’s the great Babeland (“sex toys for a passionate world.”) Both offer mail order.

Everyone’s feelings and desires are different about what kind of sex toy they’re curious about. In my experience, sex shop staffers want you to be pleasured and they want you to be educated. They’ll talk about safe sex and they’ll talk about how to use a product without blushing or stammering- it’s their living. No need to worry about your blushing or stammering- they’re used to it. And they’ll gracefully carry on with making sure you learn what you want so you can get what you want.

It’s in our nature to be curious. And sex toys are more mainstream than ever. Enjoy!

- Janet

photo: iStock