Some may think talking about one’s personal demons so openly is a bad plan, but I think it’s a personal choice and really appreciate her honesty.  One of the things I track for You Should Know is articles on mental health and women. The focus at YSK on midlife and beyond can’t escape the emotional ups and downs of perimenopause, which can bring depression and/or anxiety. Both ends of that spectrum can be isolating and feel so shameful.  

A recent report says that one in five Americans have had mental health problems in the past year, with many youth affected.  In adult populations, women are more likely than men to struggle. If this is so common, we need to start talking.  Which is why I love The Bloggess for going “live.”

A great thing about social networking is the truly social part-it’s informative, it’s fun and it can be supportive, like in this case. It can offer relief when you realize, “Oh, I’m not the only one.”  Especially if you’re feeling, in the words of Anne Lamott,  “My mind is a neighbourhood I try not to go into alone.”

Everyone’s mind can be a lonely neighbourhood, but there really are lots of neighbours in warm homes all  around- we just have to realize that.  Imagery aside, I’m not a doctor, so do see yours if your feelings are interfering with your ability to go about your every day routines.  Some mood swings are part of normal, and others do need assessment and help.

Really, you’re not the only one.

- Janet

PS-  My post on Positive Women’s Network last week discussed the criminalization of  HIV disclosure- is it working?

Image: iStock

The blog introduces the concept that sex won’t be necessary for making babies in the future. It profiles a scientist who suggests that as soon as 50 years from now, the majority of baby-making could be done via In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Drag for the couples who enjoy the baby-making, I initially thought. I was relieved to read that the pleasures of sex weren’t being abandoned, but enjoying it as a path to a baby might be.

Developments in fertility medicine in my lifetime have been amazing. I remember the birth of Louise Brown, the world’s first “test tube baby” produced via IVF. It was huge international news. Now babies conceived through IVF are born every day. And it’s not just IVF that has become readily available (if you have the money). There are all kinds of options, from donor insemination to surrogacy.   

Age is a factor in fertility, but not necessarily an insurmountable one. Women in the course of perimenopause or even post menopause can carry babies to term with fertility procedures. It’s not always medically achievable, but it works for some.   

IVF is already considered standard procedure in some circles- will it become standard practice for all? Will my grandchildren be conceived in a glass? I have to think about that.  

-  Janet

Photo: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Big Little Wolf did a great piece last week about the delights of being sexy over 50. And it referred to a couple of other pieces on the topic- clearly we’re not giving up on sex midlife. So why wouldn’t safe sex apply?

Perhaps people were shy about talking in public and they get their HIV and STI prevention information elsewhere (please). And that they’re using condoms or dams as needed. What concerns me is if people think it doesn’t apply to them.

Sex doesn’t stop as wrinkles appear. And neither does STI transmission, as illustrated by rising STI rates in older age brackets. Here’s hoping it was a scheduling issue more than anything.

- Janet

P.S.-  I didn’t talk about the new sex education guidelines in the US, because I already posted my thoughts over at Positive Women’s Network on Friday. I will just say, though, I hope they soar!

Photo: scottchan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Loved this “Best of re:Cycling Blog” list  from the The Society for Menstrual Cycle research.  DO read the “Menopause isn’t for Dummies” post- good old Roseanne is at it for those of us in perimenopause.  

Best science crud of the year: Celebrities deliver “health” information. Thanks to colleague Robyn Sussel over at Signals for this one. 

Florida’s Sun Sentinel sums up the “Top Ten Sexual Health Events of 2011” Coverage on teens, boomer sexuality, sex education and living longer with HIV.
 
Happy New Year to all!

- Janet

Photo: winnond / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Several pieces in particular caught my attention in the past week. One was from the Jamaican Women’s Media Watch (WMW). They’ve launched a training manual for gender aware media. In the piece covering the release, training Coordinator Hilary Nicholson said,

“What used to be considered pornography or even soft porn, now reaches school children on their cell phones and it has become so everyday that we don’t even see it as soft porn, it’s just considered sexy.”

“Sexy” is used for selling everything. If you have your wits about you when watching a fifteen second commercial, it can be laughable how sexy women are used to sell the most unsexy things. I try to have my wits about me when watching TV with the kids, but honestly, I don’t always. After a long work day, picking up the kids, making dinner, returning phone calls, and all the stuff that goes into planning for the next day, my wits have often walked.

But I will be discussing these ones – Virginia over at Beauty Schooled posted an article on iVillage last week about bikini waxes being peddled to twelve year-olds. Twelve! I was thankful that Lissa Rankin and others retweeted my outrage when I first shared the post- the more energy for this issue, the better. Telling twelve year olds to reject their natural bodies before they’re even done developing follows the nasty hate-your-body theme. And you probably heard about retail chain H&M admitting they combine digital bodies and real heads to “create” their models. Un-real women. Again, not in a good way.

I am thankful for the many people talking about this stuff so we can support each other and our kids and  challenge these advertising norms. Helping my kids have analysis is important; helping change things is vital.

 - Janet

As the details of the murders at L’Ecole Polytechnique came out, the city reeled. It was a horrible time. Twenty-two years ago- a lifetime ago that those women will never know. They’d be middle aged like me now.

A friend of mine won’t speak the name of their murderer. “Why give him any more air time?” she asks. The focus should be on the women, not on perpetuating his name in Canadian history. It’s a tough piece of our history, for sure.

Sadly, violence against women occurs every minute of every day around the world. Girls and women are controlled via culture, society, finances, fists and weapons. They’re controlled by lack of sexual health education and sexual health services.  They’re abused through physical and sexual violence in all kinds of socially sanctioned relationships. Many girls and women in the world live their lives in fear.  

Twenty-two years ago in Montreal, women like me were afraid too. What had happened was way too close. I handed in a paper- late and lousy. My professor remarked that it wasn’t up to my usual style. I admitted that I’d been having a hard time since the shootings. He was flabbergasted, then immediately apologetic, saying I should have asked for more time. It hadn’t occurred to me, because the message to women is that we must always get on with things. Get along.  

Violence against women shouldn’t be bearable. We shouldn’t have to get along. It should be something the world fights against, for ourselves, our daughters, our sons.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the women from Montreal. Take a minute to remember. Then, please, talk to someone about making change. If you’re in Vancouver, join Women Against Violence Against Women at the Vancouver Art Gallery. Look locally wherever you are, because people are trying to make change.Together we have to make a difference.

- Janet

Twenty years ago some visionary women set out to support women with HIV in Vancouver, BC. They were women with HIV and women from various backgrounds- nursing, social work, and education. They knew something needed to be done for women specifically, and their first meeting in the common room of a housing co-op led to the nationally recognized organization that Positive Women’s Network is today. Positive Women’s Network (aka PWN) not only provides support to women with HIV, they also develop education, prevention and health promotion info- like You Should Know. One of the big themes talked about back then was the stigma that women face, especially as members of intricate family units that centre around them.

Stigma still exists everywhere for women with HIV. A Canadian study of women revealed that stigma figures highly in their day to day lives, as do sexism and racism.  Women the world over report this. There is stigma in having HIV, and stigma in “bringing it into the family” whether this was the actual case or not. Women who discover their HIV status during pregnancy often bear the brunt of blame, as they receive the diagnosis their husbands haven’t sought.  

But women challenge stigma, and challenge the destruction that HIV brings. The Grandmothers to Grandmothers movement is a great example. Many grandmothers in African countries have to step back into parenting their orphaned grandchildren when adult children die of AIDS. Grandmothers here in Canada work to raise awareness of the need for this work and funds to support it through the Stephen Lewis Foundation. (Yes, that IS a plug to donate!)

Peer support is also an essential part of confronting HIV as it weaves through medical, political, socioeconomic, geographical, and intimately personal pieces of life. (Yes, that sentence is a challenge. – but so is living with HIV). Members at Positive Women’s Network say “PWN is a confidential and safe space created for women…it feels like a family, feels like going home.”

As one woman puts it, “Women heal women.”

But women can’t do this work alone. Women and men need to work together to change the shape of what it’s like to live with HIV. Many courageous and strong people do just that. As the Positive Women’s Network community contemplates the beginning our twenty-first year in “Challenging HIV. Changing Women’s Lives” we ask everyone to “Do something” on World AIDS Day. Learn about HIV; talk safer sex with those you care about, young and old. Share the humility that this could happen to any one of us – risk factors for HIV transmission are based on human vulnerabilities. Make sure you and your loved ones know how to prevent HIV and where to go for support should it be needed. Don’t deny- do something.

- Janet

 Photo: MorgueFile

Another edit of this post is on Positive Women’s Network

Take this recent article presented at an American Heart Association meeting. It suggested that women who were severely sexually abused and/or raped as children were 62% more likely to have heart problems later in life. These problems related primarily to obesity, smoking, high blood pressure and alcohol use, factors which contribute to heart disease.

Obesity, smoking and alcohol use often fall into the blame game. If an individual doesn’t have enough willpower to triumph over addiction to food, cigarettes, or booze, they are to blame for the troubles they bring. It’s all about “kicking the habit.” But what’s behind “the habit”?

When looking at health habits alone, the back story can be overlooked. Influences like sexual or physical abuse, growing up in a violent environment, family estrangement, racism, sexism, or other events and cultural pressures can impact health immediately, and as people age. The mechanisms to sustain emotional and mental functioning in adult life may be the same things that undermine physical health in the long run.

Thankfully, these researchers did acknowledge the relationship of sexual violence and abuse as they relate to heart health factors later in life. They said more needs to be learned about the social, psychological and medical effects of sexual abuse and what kind of interventions and support are needed.

It’s important to recognize the whole picture of health whether a woman has a history of abuse or not.  We are not habits alone; and we have many conflicting pressures that affect our choices. Take good look at your health but don’t beat yourself up. See if you can get the support to alter the focus.

Janet

Photo: Morguefile

I was angry, appalled and disheartened to read about the bras being sold for four year-olds. Seriously, what is up with that? I am so frustrated with the ongoing onslaught on little girls and boys by association. One is formed to be viewed and the other as the viewer. 

Oh sure, some may argue that kids looove dress up, and these tiny bras are just another part in the play. I don’t agree. Dress up in my mind involves things that are obviously a costume. The ads for these bras look like a uniform- one that is directed at children who are way too young to consider such a thing.  

Our girls and boys deserve to be children who are not sexualized by adults. They deserve to be grounded in their bodies, keen to messages of hunger, fullness, energy, fatigue. To have support in being comfortable and confident as their own sexuality emerges. And supported to express it as is age appropriate.

Yes, kids will explore their bodies sexually at four- it’s a normal part of development. But that doesn’t mean adults should sexualize girls in an adult way by slapping a bra on her to emphasize what will become sexual objects later in life (breasts solely as sex objects is another rant again).  

I have a daughter and a son, so I think about how these kinds of images and products affect them both. And I have to speak up, speak out.

- Janet

With thanks to Elena at The Illusionists for bringing this to my attention. She’s working on a film about the the pursuit of beauty and the body as a commodity.

 photo: Morguefile

When someone pushes ahead of you in a line up.

When a relationship hits a wall that demands reverse or ending.

In a pressure-cooker sexual situation. What would a nice girl do? Is that what seems right?

Etcetera.

Like so many women, I’ve wrestled with “nice” as I’ve made my way through the world so far. The messages men and women receive about “nice” differ. For women, it can mean “Be quiet, be compliant and don’t question.”  So, it was interesting to read Brian Goldman’s recent piece that suggested being nice might get me better healthcare.  

It makes sense: wouldn’t you care more for someone who communicates positively than for the person who is angry and complaining? Maybe so, but it shouldn’t be that way, as Goldman points out. He talks about the emotions of doctors influencing their work, even though they know it doesn’t jive with the profession.

The doctor-patient relationship is one full of uneven power. Your doctor knows things about health you probably don’t and is the gateway to healthcare beyond the office walls. This can put you in a vulnerable situation if you don’t agree with your doctor on a course of care or treatment. There may be times when you need to speak up, speak out and assert yourself. Which you might find yourself apologizing for if it doesn’t feel nice. 

A relationship with a doctor is like other relationships. It benefits from respectful communication; a clear understanding of what each other is saying and a willingness to see the other person’s side of things. But to get that understanding, you need to understand. So ask about what you don’t get. Research what you can to better assess your situation.

Respect your doctor by telling them the truth about what you know of your health and your feelings about a particular course of care. But remember they’re human too- they have stresses outside of those moments in the exam room, just like you.

So be nice. Or as nice as feels right.

- Janet

photo: iStock